ask.spoonah


on taking risks in love (part two)
December 7, 2010, 10:21 am
Filed under: advice, life, love | Tags: , , ,

What is the greater risk? Loving or not?

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dear fan,

at first, I thought, “well this is an easy question. loving is always worth it.” but as I thought about it more, I realized this has not always been an easy question for me, and is not an easy question for most people. so I asked myself, “spoonah, why is it that you think this?”

the answer is that I’ve tried it both ways. I’ve risked myself by loving, and I’ve risked myself by not loving. I now prefer risking myself by loving. It doesn’t always work. The movies and tv shows and songs are not all right–sometimes things don’t work out, even if you try your hardest and you love your hardest. but what I’ve found is that if I do put myself out there, love in the face of risk, and fail…I am usually ok (in the long run). I eventually pick myself back up, learn something about life, and move on. I tuck that experience into my pocket and start walking again.

on the other hand, when I’ve risked myself by not loving, I have always regretted it. those experiences I also still carry with me, but in a negative, “what if” kind of way. I don’t like that feeling. Also when I hold myself back from loving when I want to, it has negative consequences for me, mentally and physically. I’m prone to panic attacks, and they come on strong when I’m holding back big emotions (like love tends to be). I get sick. I get nauseous. I become a total wreck, and not in a good way. When I let myself love, however, I become a total wreck (in a good way).

I may have mentioned (probably several times) how much a fan I am of cheesy pop music from the 80’s and 90’s. one of my favorites is “Take on Me” by Aha. the song is about making a decision to take a risk in love, despite being totally unsure that it’s welcomed or reciprocated. this line is in particular appropriate:

So needless to say
I’m odds and ends
But that’s me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It’s no better to be safe than sorry

read that again. “It’s no better to be safe than sorry.” there’s your answer, my friend. it’s just not better to be safe than sorry. you will not regret the risks you take, only the ones you never do.

good luck out there.